10 Apr 2013

My guy friend.. not a boyfriend

11.22pm.. and I can't sleep.

Been trying to get myself asleep but I can't sleep. It's raining heavily outside suddenly I think of someone.

After that someone then another one. 3 of them, 2 girls one guy. I have the contact number of one of the girl but not the guy and the other girl.

It was raining heavily on Saintday night. (LOL. I know there is no such day but I actually can't remember the day, maybe Friday maybe Monday). But it was at 10pm, I was about to walk back to the dormitory where I stayed. My guy friend was walking with me, we end up lying on the road under the super heavy rain. Aaaahhhh!! what do you have in mind????? Lemme tell you the real story.

As I mentioned earlier, I remember 3 people. the two girls are Hana and K. I am closer to Hna. We stayed in the same dormitory, worked in the same department. The guy is named Jay or J. Anyone you prefer..*smile*

Jay is a tall handsome guy, Hana is tall pretty smart and K is a petite kinda cute. These 3 people were in the same team with me during the cultural show. We loved to dance, we loved to perform.

It was a triangle love. Jay engaged with K then fell in love with Hana. It's not weird, guys make mistake too, anyone does. Our friends were blaming Hana, they were also bitching about her. She was already glamour and after that incident she was the most popular, lolssss. Just kidding! I know it was pain for the 3 of them, sorry for the joke. . BTW, in many triangle relationship, the new comer will always get the blame. But for me, I don't really want to blame anyone of them. Love is way tooooo complicated to be judged. Anything can be happened unexpectedly.

The truth is, it was hard, I was there watching this rare relationship. Jay and Hana was actually spending time chatting at the TV room for days, they laughed a lot. I almost forgot to mention here that K was actually in the same dormitory with us but she was away for leave. Prior to that, Jay and K had a big argument, it was not the first time, we, the dormitory residents knew that. There was an incident where the sink at the lower ground toilet were broken by Jay when he was really upset and it was after another big fight with K. Dramatic!

Well, Hana actually told me how much she liked Jay and I can see the glows on her face, "we have many things in common" said Hana. I smiled, I sensed love. Fast forward, few days after that, K returned from her off days. I remember very well, we were walking down the stairs about to walk back to our dorm. I was walking in the same group with Hana and Jay. Suddenly, K came from nowhere with big smile she greeted Jay. Awkward! Hana was there. We didn't say anything till we reach the dormitory. Then Hana talked to me, "did you see that?" "ya" I replied. It was bitter, we knew that K tried to win Jay again.

Weeks gone. Jay already told Hana how much he likes her, he was seriously in love with her. He also told K that there will be no more drama between the two of them. The engagement will be off. Our friends started to know about this too. Some choose to judge, some choose to keep busy with their daily routines. It was a big decision by Jay and it was not agreed by K. She made other family members involved. I think that it was more complicated for Jay and K as their families already knew each and other during the engagement ceremony. Technically it was not so complicated for Hana, she is now his gf and some people thought that she was the third wheel. He handled it well, Hana and I didn't really talk about who's right who's wrong. 

Somehow, I knew it was pain and stressful for Jay too. I saw it and I felt it when we walked back from work. It was raining heavily, super heavy indeed. Jay and I were standing at the exit hoping that the rain will stop. Then it didn't. We had a little conversation, I can't remember what was that, I guessed it was about his department and his team members or about food and stuffs like that. I remember we smiled when we talked but it was a bit dry as he was actually really stressful with the triangle love that he was facing. Like the most stressful day for him. So I talked to him "if you are that stress, let's walk under this heavy rain, maybe you will feel better. Let's scream loud!" Then we did it, I remember the thunder and the pouring rain. We were there, shouting out loud, it was down the road. We tried to make our voice louder than the rain.

Jay and me shouted under the rain. We laughed and ran like a little kid.

After the short ran, we lay down on the road near the locked gate the entrance to the dormitory, looking at the dark sky, the rain was pouring on our face, there was nothing to see. I think he was crying. My hands were behind my head, speechless. The surface was really hard. Stupid you Jay!!! After few minutes we walked to the dorm. Nobody knew about what we did. Not even my friend Hana.

Years gone. I left the place, I had a better job (PTL) but once a while I asked about Hana through my bestfriend Mimie. Back then, there was no facebook and I never have hana's number. As told by Mimie, Hana and Jay are married. I was happy for them. Hana converted to muslim as Jay is a muslim, it was touching to hear that she started a new life as a devoted muslim :')

Another years gone. While going for movie in Center Point with Mimie, I bumped into Hana, Jay and Hana's sister. She was wearing tudung, tudung labuh yoh!! I told her that she looked sweet. It was a briefed happy conversation, i didn't ask much about this and that, as our movie was about to begin and we had to enter the theater. Nevertheless, I was happy enough that things were end-up as 'happy ending'. The rest I don't really care anymore.

Then 2011 arrived, I had facebook and started to hunt for old friends, incl Hana. Okay...Found her and add her. She's at her hometown. I was browsing her pictures. Only few. Then I sent her a PM, how are you? bla bla blaaaa then the last question, how's Jay? There was no reply. Then I checked her relationship status. No status. I sensed something unpleasant. Then I started to guess, they must be separated. Okay stop asking. But she's still a devoted muslim lady. Respect.

Fast forward again. One day, I went for shopping in one of the supermarket in Tanjung Aru. Then suddenly, there was this big guy infront of me like a familiar face. That was Jay and he was shopping with a woman. I looked at him, we looked at each and other. No words. I left to the cashier counter and drove home. He was there and we didnt talk. I was blur. I drove home really slow like a bit numb. I think about the night where he was shouting out loud. The heavy rain. The loud thunder. Where were all the sacrifices???????? I never asked anyone about Jay nor Hana. I totally stop bothering. I do care about Hana but I believe that she is a strong woman and i should not ask about things that she's trying to erase from her memory. And tonight, heavy rain pouring on my roof and the memories came back to me, I closed my eyes and I saw a crying woman in her sholat. Dear Hana.... hugs.

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